The other side of love

I pray everyday for patience. Not just the regular kind of patience, but for a special kind that will give me the context to remain always in the higher road. I need patience to hold onto the vision of having the most loving relationship with my wife that I am able to have.

She is recovering from an aneurysm. She struggles with aphasia, memory loss, low energy, seizures and the magnification of her emotional reactions. When she was healthy, to live with her was a real challenge -I am told- because she wears her feelings in her sleeve. To live with her now is that challenging multiplied many times.

I have learned some techniques to keep myself afloat, but in all honesty, there are many occasions when I show my worse. Most of the time, I see that I receive an extra dosis of grace and patience from above, and this can take me through the rough parts of the day.

What is it that makes it difficult? Whay do I need patience? Asking for patience puts the onus on my wife. Is it really hard to live with her? She says that I don't need as much patience as transformation and maturity.

We both agree with the notion that it was the Lord who allowed the anuerysm to rupture, exactly when it did to show us his love in a way that otherwise we would not have seen. I say that the Lord allowed this to happen because it is the only explanation I have that does not contradict my belief that the Lord is in control of everything, absolutely everything. If I even considered the possibility that the aneurysm was a random "accident" -as many have suggested- then I would have to accept as well that unexpected suffering, and for that matter, joy in life is a series of random occurrences out of the control of the Lord. He is the Lord or he is not. Jesus said that we can't add an inch to our height even if we tried, or that he takes care of the

I think that living with Jan is beyond my own capacity to